Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
