toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
