Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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