I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
