I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
