i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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