I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
