I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
