after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
