just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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