we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I supernannyed him into submission
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
