the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
