you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
