That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
