I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
