im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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