Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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