I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
