I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize