I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
