When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
