My hand turned me down
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
