After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
