Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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