At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
