Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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