Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
