not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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