remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
