The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize