dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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