I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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