mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she pinky promised me she was 18
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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