Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
