his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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