I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize