wrigley field is MILF paradise
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
