i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Randomize
