Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
