Buhtt sex?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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