ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
