you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We are all done wearing pants today
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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