We named our party play list daddy issues
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just gift wrapped bread.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
