in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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