theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
