she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I believe in your delicious
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
