Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
