I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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