and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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