she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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