So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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