I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
