moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
