its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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