I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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