There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
