I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
