Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
