My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
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