In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
