I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
