Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
