What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
