God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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