david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
