Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
