god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
