My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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