somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
