so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
