You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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