so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
